Choosing to lose weight by leading an active lifestyle and eating natural wholesome foods can be difficult enough but when your partner is not supporting you in this transition, it can make things 10 times harder.
They may say that they support you but when it comes to the crunch, it can feel like they are just waiting for you to fail….
“A small slice of pizza won’t hurt you.”
“You deserve a reward; I’ve bought your favourite ice-cream.”
“I can’t eat all of this chocolate myself; just have a couple of pieces.”
“What makes you think you can lose weight this time when every other time you’ve failed.”
Don’t fall for the sulking routine either; if your partner wants to eat it then they are quite capable of doing that alone.
Losing weight can definitely change the dynamics of your relationship, your partner may start to feel threatened because you are no longer overweight (or cuddly!) and people may start to look at you in a different way.
Your partner may not like change and if you try to introduce them into a new healthier lifestyle this may cause problems. In turn they will try to sabotage your efforts by eating unhealthy foods in front of you and generally wanting you to fail.
Not out of spite but really out of fear.
The thought of this may put you off wanting to try completely but this is where you need to be strong. The only person you can change for is you, no one else comes in to your decision to get healthy because it’s your body and you own it.
If they want to follow an unhealthy life, no matter what you do, you cannot change them as much as they cannot change you. So I’m afraid it’s time that you start thinking about yourself and what YOU want and need.
You must understand that by considering what you want, you do still love and respect your partner but it’s now all about you!!
And remember this; it’s not selfish, it’s just plain sensible.
You need to realise that it’s okay to be two separate people in a relationship and that you don’t have to follow and do everything that your partner does and vice versa.
Speak to your partner about the way they are treating you and making you feel, tell them you would like some support even if they are not prepared to join you on your healthy journey. Explain that although there will be changes in your body, there will not be changes in the way you feel about them and assure them they have nothing to lose by helping you stay on your weight loss plan.
Ask them to stop eating unhealthy foods in front of you, if they have to eat them in the house then can they eat them in the kitchen or away from you. You need to say “I really need to avoid unhealthy foods if I’m going to make the changes I need to so please stop offering them to me.”
When you go grocery shopping, go on your own so your partner doesn’t throw unhealthy foods into the shopping trolley. If they insist on coming with you then make sure you have a prepared list just for you. These will be your foods that you are going to eat during the week.
A great trick on of my clients’ uses with her partner (and the kids) is she prepares pretty much all the food herself which gives her control over what goes in to each dish. What she doesn’t do is let the other’s know that there are veggies in the pasta sauce or its turkey mince instead of ground beef in the cottage pie. By doing this she is able to prepare and cook foods in a healthy way without the others knowing. Sure enough they really enjoy the foods and are getting way more nutrients and way less fat!
With your workouts schedule them in first thing in the morning or if you find this difficult then choose an evening when your partner’s favourite TV programs are on. Arrange to meet a friend at the gym, shut yourself in another room with your iPod pumping for a home workout or head off for a power walk. That way it keeps your partner occupied while you have some you time and really get stuck in to your fitness plan.
If you have never seen the film ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ then please go and rent it today. The main character Evelyn Couch (played by Kathy Bates) goes through a time of self-discovery and in doing so gets herself in shape through good eating and regular exercise.
Now her Husband is not too supportive in this but she finds new ways to put her health needs first and make the changes she knows will help her become the woman she longs to be.
Be empowered: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXZs3mjGlQU
This plan of action may seem quite tough but you must choose to live a healthy lifestyle for YOU and not for your partner or anyone else! This will take discipline, love and commitment on your part but you must be strong and continually say to yourself…
I AM WORTH IT! And I won’t let anyone else tell me any different.